“I’m just not sure if I’m the same person at work as I am at home” is something I often hear when working with people behind closed doors and my response is always the same:
“So if you are not you at work then who are you?”
Most of the time that question is met with a shrug or rolling of the eyes and I’m not surprised, it’s a tough question to think through. That’s why I quickly follow up by asking “what does it feel like to be you at work?” This always gets people talking and the answer is revealing.
Not only is it revealing, it can also be summed up as “I don’t feel safe.” In other words, I don’t feel safe enough to be me.
In a world that promotes diversity and inclusion that’s scary.
In teams that need diverse thinking to innovate it’s limiting.
In organisations that need to adapt to remain relevant it’s toxic.
In my work I can tell you it’s far too common.
It is scary, limiting and toxic because they are talking about psychological safety
Organisational behavioral scientist Amy Edmondson of Harvard first introduced the term “team psychological safety” and defined it as “a shared belief held by members of a team that the team is safe for interpersonal risk taking.” It sounds simple enough but asking a basic question like “remind me again why we are doing this” may make you sound like you are out of touch. In fact, it may feel easier to just go with the flow and avoid being perceived as anything negative.
Think of a team you work with closely. How strongly do you agree with these five statements?
1. If I take a chance, and screw up, it will be held against me.
2. Our team has a strong sense of culture that can be hard for new people to join.
3. My team is slow to offer help to people who are struggling.
4. Using my unique skills and talents come second to the objectives of the team.
5. It’s uncomfortable to have open honest conversations about our team’s sensitive issues.
Teams that agree strongly on questions like these can be deemed “unsafe”
Unsafe to innovate, unsafe to resolve conflict, unsafe to admit they need help. Unsafe teams can and do deliver for short periods of time as they focus on goals and ignore interpersonal problems. But eventually, they break or underperform as they struggle to introduce change.
It’s why focusing on respect as part of your team’s culture is vital
It’s hard for anyone to give 100% if you are spending some of your energy trying to be something you are not. Unfortunately, many of us are trying to fit into a view of what we should be at work. We are not sure if we fit and therefore we protect ourselves by not showing our true selves. We provide ourselves with safety at the expense of the group we belong to.
It’s why I hear people say “I’m not sure if I’m the same person at work as I am at work” and why I answer that with “so if you are not you at work then who are you?” The real question and it’s one that is relevant to resilience, engagement and change is “so how does it feel to be you at work?” The answer should be “I feel respected for being me. I feel safe to be me.”
Cultivating an environment of respect where cognitive diversity is valued and included is key
Like anything it’s easy to talk about respect and harder to do it so here’s some ideas on how you might make a start.
Watch out for:
Fear of asking or giving feedback.
Hesitance around sharing and exploring ideas that are too far away from the norm e.g. low levels of confidence in asking the “silly” question.
Allowing disrespect to be tolerated. Like any value it’s important to pick it up quickly, professionally and in front of everyone else.
People shooting down ideas due to a fear of failure.
Questions to ask yourself:
Does everyone feel comfortable brainstorming ideas in front of each other or do some withdraw?
Do all team members feel they can fail openly or will the rest of the group penalise the behaviour in some way?
Observing and acting on these things can be huge. Huge for the individual, huge for the team and huge for the organisation. It can provide the answer to the question who are you at work and that answer is “me.”
